Show me what I'm looking for

“The God I so eagerly sought was not there and the understanding I thought to gain was not there... I wanted to tell her I was searching for something, but sometimes I didn't even know what it was I sought.”  (Anaya. Bless Me Ultima. 235)

Searching. Every day of life we are all constantly searching for something. It can be searching for someone, for something, or for someday. This message is found in poems, books, movies, or songs. As I thought about this the lyrics to a popular song came into mind.

                                                                    “Save me, I'm lost

                                                    Oh, Lord, I've been waiting for you                                                                                                     

                                                                I'll pay any cost

                                                    Save me from being confused

                                                   Show me what I'm looking for

                                                Show me what I'm looking for, oh, Lord”.

                                             ("Show me what I'm looking for by Carolina Liar) 

This song perfectly goes hand in hand with the struggle Antonio is presented with at the end of the novel. After Ultima has finally taught him to look at the world through a questioning eye, he begins to search. We read how he struggles with not immediately finding his answers. This may lead the reader to wonder,

“Is Tony’s new found view of questioning and wondering a good thing?” 

I would argue that it is a great thing. This is because it teaches us to appreciate life and opens new horizons. It can also make our convictions stronger. This can be fundamental to a happy life when it comes to crucial questions like our religious convictions. As stated in the first quote, Tony looked for God because of Ultima teaching him to question. He didn’t necessarily always find him but at least he searched. That search helped Tony, at least part of the time, find answers. Another young boy like Tony who searched was Joseph Smith.

 Smith wondered which religion was correct, read “If any of ye have doubts, ask and ye shall receive”, searched through prayer and then found an answer.

 Smith would have never found his answer and thus restored the true church if he hadn’t questioned what the correct thing was. Like Tony and Smith we all must question to be able to find our correct answers. So as we go through life every day, searching for answers, perhaps sometimes we should stop and recognize what a gift it is to have questions, doubts, and wonders.